Hello Folks, Fans and Freaks!

Welcome to our FOURTH Episode of Into the Deep! Jam packed into a short 49 minutes, tonight we talked about:

Weasel words, free man on the land, free ninja’s, canada’s so-called free health care, ambulance rides, skate park attack, throwing rocks at the hospital, The polices Helpful ways, Z on your forehead, Halifax Park Curfews, occupy’s eviction, occupy’s future, halifax, nova scotia, smooth transition, remembrance day, tv today, funny, brainwashing at work, corporations with virgin blood cauldron, swear words today, really guys? another poop talk happened? in Spanish? in Japanese? Shit by any other word? “How deep do you want to go?”

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Hello Folks, Fans and Freaks!

Must I go through my entire life with this feeling like I am the only one who knows anything about anything?

I just went to Sobeys, placed all of my items on the belt in an order that I wished them to be packed in, and STILL she puts the eggs on TOP of the bread in turn squishing my bread into a HALF loaf.

“Don’t sweat the small stuff” I’m told this every week by the people around me, yet it’s the small stuff that builds up and slowly eats away at you until one day you snap with a machine gun mowing down the dumb people.

Could crazy people’s horrific actions in fact be simple nature taking its course and filtering out the weak while the strong survive? Could it be that its going to happen over and over again without any way for us to prevent it?
Are there are no methods in place to stop the world from creeping in around us as each day tightens its already stern grip that it has on us all and leaving a little less happiness in our souls?

I am making and stand and saying NO!

All that we really need is for our bread handlers to be properly trained so that bombs don’t start going off all over town. This is the key to the dumb people surviving a bit longer.

Peace,
Dr.Jay Cole

Hello Folks, Fans and Freaks! (and potential patrons)

This is a poor excuse to make a blog entry today, I would like to announce that there is a very crude, rough, new page dedicated to my writing of articles that normally get lost in the feed, this will attempt at organizing them, graphics coming soon to outline categories, until then, have a poke around through the articles I’ve selected.

NEW WRITING PAGE CREATED HERE

Peace,
Dr.Jay Cole

This tale begins with a young lass in her mid twenties. She was an ugly ol thing with scales on parts of her skin; flaky patches that would peel off in random areas! To top it all off she had rotten teeth and bad breath while her body odor wreaked of old broccoli and rice. The bitch is ugly is what I’m trying to say people! She believed with all her heart that she would never have the chance of bedding a man. Because of this, she would sit alone in her room every night masturbating. She became so good at it that she got addicted. She masturbated in the shower, in bed, cooking food, masturbating became her favorite thing to do in life, it was her ultimate salvation!

The troll lady lived in a sod house located in the middle of a bog on the side of the highway’s off ramp. For the past month there had been construction going on all around and so there were many potholes and much debris from the workers.
One fateful afternoon a gentleman was driving home after working at the office when his car struck a hole in the pave. A loud CATHUNK! was heard and the vehicle stopped running, he slowly pulled off to the side of the highway directly in front of this ghastly creatures home. The man got out to find the engine smoking, not having any clue as to what he should do, pranced around outside of the vehicle like a silly-nanny. He pulled out his cellphone and there was no reception. The nasty little troll lady crawled up out of her cesspool of a house to see what all the noise was about.

The man looked at her with repulsion in his eyes while trying to hold back the vomit. The lady offered the use of her telephone inside the house. You see, most ugly troll ladies are mean and crude because of the rough life they’ve lived and they tend to take it out on society, however because of all the masturbating, this troll lady was happy and pleased as punch to go on being a disgusting piece of existence and that mean’t she was nice to others.

Once inside, she gave the suited man her land line phone and offered the him a drink while he waited for a tow truck, and so, he accepted.

The lady and the man both sat in her common room having shot after after shot of dark spiced rum. The man had grown to believe that this glutenous blob had only one arm. Her right arm had been tucked down inside the sleeve and into her pants so that she could keep masturbating. The realization came when she unwittingly pulled her arm out to grab the rum bottle from spilling on the floor. The man spit out his drink in disbelief and laughed a little! They had been chatting and getting-on rather well, the alcohol was nearly gone, and the openness between the two was that of two drunk humans, so they were saying anything that came to mind. After wiping up the mess of spit-out rum, the man asked why her arm had been hidden, and she told him the truth that she had been masturbating the whole time.

A little aroused by this, the man decided to make an advance on the troll, thinking to himself “Well really, when will be the next time I get to fuck a troll?”

He leaned over and touched her leg and said to her “If this tow truck doesn’t arrive in one minute from now we should spend the rest of the time having wild animalistic love making”

The troll lady, never having been with a man before, was timid and shy at first but had always dreamed of this moment coming true!

The man and the lady went into her bedroom. The magick began to happen. It was the absolute best sex this man had ever had in his life! It was as though she had some sort of Golden Vagina. The man returned again the next evening, he had told his wife he needed to work late at the office, when in reality he was going to see the troll. The man would return time and time again over the next month to have the ultimate sexing. The man’s wife had gotten suspicious to his new
routine change, and sent out a private investigator.

The investigator followed the man and watched through the window as he did the dirtiest of deeds with this disgusting troll lady that he could not verify as being human.

The PI decided the images he took of the two were so shocking, that before approaching the wife with this content he would do some more digging to find out what was afoot here.

The PI approached the man one day while he was having lunch with his work peers and asked if he could speak with him for a moment, in private.

The man agreed and met with the PI over a drink at the bar. After seeing the photographs, the man was disgraced, embarrassed and ashamed that he had been having sex with an ugly troll lady and explained to the PI that it was in fact the best sex he had ever had, and that she had a Golden Vagina. He then also told the PI that he felt bad in keeping it all to himself and that every man on earth would not have lived a complete life if they had not the chance to bed the
beast.

This PI had loose morals, he told the man to never return to the creatures lair and then continued on his way to go meet the wife. He told her a false story about the man working late as was the original story. The PI then went in to meet with the troll lady next drumming up some sort of emergency in which he needed to use a phone and wait inside the sod house. The troll lady, now having her second man in a month into the house, was overwhelmed, never had she had so many guests. Again, being the polite lady that she was, she offered this new man a drink, he accepted, only he moved a little more quicker than the last man and without drinking a sip leaned over to kiss the troll lady.

She was far too polite and shy to say no to a second man, this was like something only seen in the movies! The two of them went into her bed and again began the process. And just as the last man had reported to the PI, it was the absolute best sex he had ever had. The troll lady wondered why the first man never returned but then thought little of it when the PI returned night after night.

One evening after the sex was over, the PI felt a low level grumbling vibration happening in the ground beneath the sod house in the bog. Soon the entire structure started to shake, rattle and fall down around them. The troll lady did not wake. The rumbles got louder and then the noise of machinery was apparent as bright lights shone in through the night’s window. The roll lady woke up from the noise and went witht he PI outside, the PI yelled back at her “GET INSIDE THE HOUSE!” in fear of anyone else seeing her.

The road workers were outside in the bog ready to plow down the house and put in a new off-ramp to complete the work they had been doing for the last 6 months. This was the final stage of their development project. Nobody owned the land where the troll lady lived and so the government was free to build on it.

The man rushed inside, told the troll lady they had to leave right away and that her house was being plowed over, he wrapped her up in a blanket and carried her out to his car parked on the side of the highway roughly a kilometer away.

The man could not keep the troll at his own home for fear of being discovered and so he got her an apartment in town. Eventually, the rent increased and he could not afford to keep two places, and so thinking back to the words of the first man he remembered the part about ‘Every man on earth should have a go with this thing” and that was the answer.

The man began to promote “The Golden Vagina” in flyers and in escort listings, “Close your eyes and experience a miracle” the poster spelled out below a black and white silhouette outline of the troll lady.

It was at this point the PI had gotten a call on a big investigating job out of town and so he had to explain a few things about city-life to the troll lady. He told her that men would start to show up, that she would have sex with them and they would leave some money behind. He informed her that the more men she had sex with, the more socially acceptable she would become. The troll lady took his words for truth. The men showed up, she had sex with them, the landlord showed up, she paid her rent. At first she was saving up the surplus funds to give to the PI, but after two months had passed and he never returned, she thought it would be okay to buy some food and new clothes and even a little bit of makeup.

Before long, she had completely forgotten about the PI and moved out of the apartment and into a townhouse, that soon turned into a real house, and that turned into an even larger house. Although the glamour and glitz increased, her own personal happiness decreased. Why you might task? She had every thing anyone could want right? Wrong. While she did have sex every day, several times a day in fact, and by the time she landed into her newest house she had lost all desire to masturbate, and so, she started to become one of those ugly and mean trolls. Her one true passion in life, sexual stimulation, had been exploited to the point where she didn’t want it anymore.

She grew old and more repulsive and began to lose clients because of her grumpy, cynical attitude and in turn lost revenue. In turn she could not afford the luxuries of the high-life and had to move back to a new sod house in a new bog where she lived out the rest of her days. She stopped selling her golden vagina and went back to masturbating by herself.

The analogy set out before you is this, my creativity is the golden vagina, and when people ask me why I charge such prices for my work, I tell them I’m simply an ugly bog troll who likes to masturbate at home far too much to ever sell it. Sometimes the occasion arises that I do need to sell some golden vagina artwork and for that I shall charge a pretty penny! This is so I don’t need to continuously sell it all off, and will have some left for me at the end of the day, so I wont get grumpy, lose clients, and become cynical to the whole deal.

I hope you all enjoyed this tale of mystery, suspense and drama! Look for more of these fun and exciting analogy stories at a bog sod house near you!

Peace,
Dr.Jay Cole

Hey everyone!

It’s Action Figure Dr.Jay!

He comes with 2 different outfits… and a microphone!
Action Figure Dr.Jay is always ready to comically host your club venue,
house-party, wedding, Radio Show, or your uncles’ mistress’s child from
another father’s birthday party!

Contact my booking agent here: dr.jaycole@gmail.com
and after a monkey on a typewriter screens the emails,
they get sent directly to me for approval!

Click here to checkout samples of my hosting capabilities

Peace,
Dr.Jay Cole

Hello Folks, Fans and Freaks!

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Seven days ago, I had the bright idea to make my own wine at home from the products contained within the cupboards. A text message had been sent to a lady who happened to be at the corner store when the idea struck me.
Ten minutes later, a girl walked in to visit my flatmate Jeremy and gave me a 2litre bottle of some form of Cool-Aid mixture being passed of as juice. I paid the woman 2 dollars and ran into my kitchen where I began to prepare the brew! Without measuring I blended 1 cup of the juice with roughly ½ cup of brown sugar and ½ cup of molasses into a pot on low heat. This would ensure the sugars and syrups to dissolve properly. After about one minute I mixed the heated syrup back in with the juice in its original container. I added only 1 teaspoon of bakers yeast, set the cover on top of the jar without tightening it (this will release the nasty toxins we dont want) and let it sit for exactly 7 days.

After straining the dead yeasts with a coffee filter I chilled the so called wine and then took a drink, and then another, and then a third and I was starting to feel a good buzz. A grin crossed my face like none other before it while criminal thoughts peculated in my mind about rum running in Halifax.
No. This is a bad idea I thought. I can’t get involved with a rum running racket! This booze will be the death of me, or at least a lengthy jail sentence. I decided I should either pour out all of this booze or drink it. And the latter came first. Upon finishing up my fourth glass of sugary cool-aid wine, I was hammed.
I could no longer see straight or function properly. My words were like those of a neanderthal; all grunts and drooling. I ended up passing out on the floor to our common room with a lamp shade used for a blanket, not much warmth provided from the shade however the light-bulb attached to the lamp attached to the shade was enough to eventually burn through my t-shirt.

The morning came, and I stumbled up off of the floor, still feeling the effects. I am not sure if I should continue to make more of this amazing yet dangerous brew, or to lock it away in the vaults of non-sense that I know how to create. All in all, this could either be the best or worst creation I have made.

With all that said, what will be next for me? What weird experiment of life will I conquer and master? I’ll admit I would enjoy making a few changes to the flavor of this mixture and sharing with my friends, however I would not like to be responsible for the outcome. Perhaps this new wine will be the fuel for an endeavor that I have been putting off since the first impromptu episode. Drunkscapades! Who will feature next? Who will drink the cool-aid?

Peace,
Dr.Jay Cole

Dirty Intuition,

I feel the best way to review any musician is to explain a little bit about their characters and how they operate on the day-to-day. Dj Dirty Dane Richard, and iNTUiT, together form the duo band — Dirty Intuition. I had the chance of meeting these two cats down in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, while vacationing from my regularly scheduled life of writing about bands in California.

Halifax is a small valley of a city along the eastern coast, a port city, and so that means they have better drugs than the rest of the Nation. The streets are narrow and paved with cobblestone from a time before we can remember. There is an old haunted feeling that creeps from within the darkness of these old stone buildings while citizens everywhere have seen puffs of smoke in random spots of the landscape letting us know ghosts are near. At night a buzz begins akin to the sound of an agitated wasps nest as the underground music scene lights up! Due to the closing of 4 dance venues over the past year, and more in previous years, Halifax has become host to many a house-party encompassing the back yard shenanigans of fire poi performers, live Dj’s/bands and hoola-hooping faeries!

I first met up with Dirty Dane, as cliche as it may sound, he was hiding inside a gray Saint Mary’s University hoodie looking for new vinyls in a local shop, Taz Records. I said hello, he looked up from behind a column of dusty sleeves, shook my hand, nodded, and dove back into the pile. I realized his deep intent on finding the perfect Gem and so I let him peruse whilst browsing my favorite blues bands section. Several minutes later Dirty Dane emerged with three classical piano pieces and a Beastie Boys album, Hello Nasty, and I with a sweet find more aligned with my personal tastes, Dutch Mason . After having his record fix, Dane began telling me about his latest instrumental creations, and how he has recently began the journey of the lyricist; starting to write his own songs.

I went with Dirty Dane to a local coffee shop around the corner, Second Cup I believe it was, where we sat in a dimly lit booth and began chatting. Dirty Dane, a distant yet humble fellow explained how he got into music, (Trumpet), explained his current goals (University), and then gave me a copy of the Dirty Intuition CD, accompanied by a copy of his own instrumental works titled “LIFT”.
Before I had the chance to listen to their album and get a few questions sorted, iNTUiT, the lead vocalist and lyrics writer for the band, arrived with a bang. “Hear ye! Hear ye! The Lord hath arrived!” he bellowed, the room went quiet as nearly every patron looked to see what he was on about. iNTUiT was wearing what appeared to be an expensive two piece suit, although slightly wrinkled with lipstick stains on the collar, neck tie loosed with the two top shirt buttons undone, in February? It was nearly 10:00am and I believe him to have already ’sipped back a couple’ as his breath smelled of cheap booze. iNTUiT began to spin a tale of murder and deceit in regards to my questions on his music career, never once delivering a comprehensible straight answer and so the interview was left up to Dirty Dane.

I began to ask more questions about how the band was formed when iNTUiT’s face went pale, a man with class however, he leaned back and vomited into the seat at the neighboring table, wiped his face with his sleeve and smiled. It was at this moment I began to realize what Dirty Intuition was all about as a waitress (I would have to say the most beautiful waitress in the establishment) casually walked over to see if he was okay. She rubbed his back and signaled for the lower-end help to clean up the mess. She brought iNTUiT an extra large cafe mocha, rubbed his back again, kissed his cheek and resumed her post across the room leaving behind her phone number on a napkin.

iNTUiT reached into his blazer’s inside pocket and pulled out a leather wrapped flask. Printed on the front was a Tiger with the words “I Got Tiger Blood / Adonis DNA”. The flask was slammed down hard enough on the table causing it to shake and some of our coffees to spill over. I nervously grabbed a napkin to clean up when a hand stopped me. It was Dirty Dane and he simply shook his head no. “There will be more” is all he said and we resumed watching the spectacle of iNTUiT’s morning madness while he continued to pour out the cafe mocha onto my plate, and re-fill the cup with what was later explained to me as his own home-made rum.

I had had enough of this character for now and thought it rude to make such a mess on the poor wait staff. However being a fan of music means being a fan of strange ego’s, I sucked it up and continued along with the interview. It was at this time that Dirty Dane pulled out a small black flavored mini cigar and lit the thing up! I don’t think either of these two were even alive when smoking was permitted indoors! Dirty Dane began to explain how their duo was formed through a song of heartbreak and sorrow, listed on their album as “Unleash The Love”, it was Dj Dirty Dane and iNTUiT’s first song together recorded back in 2010 after iNTUiT suffered a broken heart. According to Dane, iNTUiT had holed up in a suburban house outside of Halifax drinking 40oz’s of spiced rum every day for an entire month. Dirty Dane had been pressuring him to write something over an instrumental. The product that emerged was what iNTUiT interrupted to interject as his ‘crowning literature’, the first real song true to the heart that he had ever written in his previous ten years of song lyric writing. A waitress, different than the earlier napkin dropping lady had approached our table to instruct Dane on the laws about smoking in Canada, thinking the three of us to surely be from abroad. Dane, still wearing dark sunglasses hiding his supposed bloodshot eyes, took one long haul off the cigar and blew the smoke into the waitresses general direction. This lady snatched the cigar from Danes hand, took one long haul herself, and extinguished the cherry in the mess of cafe mocha and soggy crumbs on my plate. What kind of weird city has this turned into? I grew up here for most of my life and things were definitely not like this. iNTUiT’s ranting became louder and he was instructed to keep quiet as there are many students studying nearby. It was not long before iNTUiT slid ever so smoothly down under the table and it sounded like he snorted something and then coughed. He bolted back up from below the table, his pupils dilated to the size of pennies, and then he fell back, slumped into the soft booth seating. He mumbled indecipherable words and spoke mostly with himself, or what he later claimed to be the ‘ghosts of Halifax’.
I paid for my meal, tipped the waitress greatly on behalf of the band’s unruly attitude and trekked out to my rental car, I had only 3 hours to make the airport! When renting a car for traveling to music reviews (of which I am paid dearly) I always ensure a CD player, or ipod hookup. I first popped in the Dirty Intuition Album just as I was nearing the highway exit out of Halifax after departing a toll bridge that took me to what locals call the Dark Side or the City of Dartmouth, Nova Scotia (for you map readers.)

The Genre? Is it dub-step? Drum and bass? Or hip-hop? I find it difficult to fit within only one slot.
The albums’ layout is comprised of craftily scripted landscapes of sound with an underlying theme of old raw underground hip-hop noises, what fans call The Golden Era, circa 1990 – 1994. There are subtle sub-bass tones that vibrate through your soul, of what I could only compare to a noise heard in trendy dub-step mixes in the clubs. The harmonies of pianos, live guitars and grass-roots earthy synths elevate the electronic feel to a new level.
It’s as though they have used all of their favorite aspects of different genres, hip-hop, dub-step, drum and bass and rock & roll with a punk mentality merged into a whole new sound. Only after meeting the writer I can see how his lyrics truly reflect the person that he is, was and will always be. After the success of his first ‘true to the heart’ song “Unleash the Love” created by the duo in 2010, iNTUiT continues to write amazing pieces relating back to his past relationships with ladies in his life, including the leading lady-love of hip-hop.
While in person, this cat is the furthest thing from what a ‘rapper’ would be in your mind, he knows how to deliver a smooth flow, highly intricate word patterns and a skilled working knowledge of the English language. Through metaphors and direct blatant ‘telling it like it is’ this is one truly amazing lyricist. My one critique would be that I find it hard to believe the message of iNTUiT would ever be as strong were it not for Dj Dirty Dane’s delightfully woven tapestries of ear-gasmic noises flowing not as a backing track, but flowing into and out of the lyrics, within, next-to and beside all at once.
These talented musicians have what I call ‘The Perfect Merger’. And so bravo gentlemen (and I use the term loosely) at creating a timeless masterpiece that is surely to be enjoyed and learned from over the ages to come! I give you my two thumbs up! I look forward to hearing what new creations will follow this treat of an album in a stagnating-sound-ridden world we live in where genres are so cut and dry. And remember, please tip your waitresses.

Mr. Robertson McDougal
Modesto, California

Emcee iNTUiT                                                                   DJ Dirty Dane

Hello Folks, Fans and Freaks!

Today was the big day! Yes, it was Valentines day, but honestly people this is all simply a hallmark ploy created for you to spend money.  Today epitomizes the greed of capitalism and it’s strange empire of fooling people into buying crap they wouldn’t otherwise be purchasing with their hard earned dollars.

Let’s talk about some capitalist crap that IS worth spending your hard earned dollars on, and I can guarantee you will love it or your money back!

*Whisper whisper

Wait? what? My label rep tells me that iTunes wont give your money back, nor will Amazon or any of the online retailers, well… I for one will refund any moneys that I collect… what?

*Whisper whisper

Okay, well it turns out that the other half of my band and the people who featured feel they worked really hard on this project and don’t really want to give back a refund either… Okay… No Refunds! You won’t want a refund! er… It’s good shit! Trust me!
I once tried to GIVE some food to a starving man, and he said to me “Whats the catch?” and I said “There is no catch, have this apple” and he said “No thanks, I’m not buyin it” and he walked away. With that said, I should probably mention that I am NOT a salesman, and I am not that good of a capitalist obviously! Who even let me at these controls? I must be trippin sun!

Today marks the release of our debut self titled album, Dirty Intuition,
Comprised of myself, Emcee iNTUiT, and Dj Dirty Dane, we have been working with local Canadian artists such as the talented Latte D. Kyd, BAF and Vanilla-V, along with a local Canadian–owned indie label helping us to get our fresh new sound out to the masses! Or at least to enough people to cover the money we’ve put down for our big image online!

Dj Dirty Dane sculpts intricately woven sound tapestries that are influenced strongly by southern hiphop crunk and the bass notes from dub-step in what we are calling DUB_HOP!

I hold a doctorate (MsD) in Metaphysics (the study of existing), and this is strongly reflected through the relationships that are conceptualized through my lyrics.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I have killed my ego long ago and the character you see is an exaggerated mockery of what my ego once was.

Getting back to Dj Dirty Dane, who can really say? He is a man of mystery; darkness forever travels his soul on a journey towards the light in hopes that it may someday envelope and contain it within, leaving only the purest of Dubby Grimey Beats in its wake.

Should any of you wish to support our venture, you can follow the links provided at the bottom of this article.

Peace,
Dr.Jay Cole
This is the best way for the artists involved to get PAID suns! The other bozo’s take a MASSIVE cut, and really for what? The image and to be able to say “Hey man, we’re on fucking itunes dude!” 
http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/dirtyintuition

Hey man, we’re on fucking itunes dude!
http://itunes.apple.com/ca/album/dirty-intuition/id498651129

Done searching for that one in a million text book? Have you had fun refilling your kindle supply?
Why not bounce over and check out our tunes? Use your amazon bucks! 
http://amzn.com/B0072R6GNO

Hello Folks, Fans and Freaks!

Allow me to introduce this mix-master sensation of sound, the ever alluring temptress
of tones, the majickaly melodyous…

…Miss Method!

http://missmethod.com/

This lovely lady has been SPINNING SOME SHIT! Respect from the heads who
know better is definitely due as she only fucks with real vinyls! A purist in
the dj world, she is able to take songs that I otherwise wouldn’t give the time of day,
and she makes  them into something fresh that has had a new life breathed into it.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I would never utter the names Souljahboy or
Rick Ross. And yet here I sit each week in my studio designing graphics,
bumpin Miss Method Mixes in the background while I work!

Miss Method is always practicing her craft when not enduring the weeks daily
tasks, and she says that while she has skills already, her next step is to MASTER
the art of scratching. I am always anxious to hear more from this lovely lass as
she releases new mixes on the regular! Great job Miss Method! I can’t wait to work
with you!

The Soundcloud Music Player is conveniently located at the very top of the page
for easy access. I am told this is a brand new site and it will be filling up quite quickly
with new content on a regular basis! Keep a look out for this lovely lady dropin them
steel-wheel needles through a speaker system near you.

Peace,
Dr.Jay Cole