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Hello Folks, Fans and Freaks!

This is my first foray into the world of Comedy. Over the course of a couple months I had been writing funny things into a notepad that was later compiled into this act right here. Enjoy! leave feedback! email me feedback! Have fun!

Peace,
Dr. Jay Cole
http://listen.to/drjaycole

Hello Folks, Fans and Freaks!

Todays ‘rant’ is in response to the article on How one Canadian city is about to enlist its civilians in helping catch speeders over the holidaze.
CBC Article on Speeders

Since the CBC only gives you a certain amount of spaces, this article will be slightly varied from the post found on CBC.ca regarding this article.

It is sad that the only argument about this issue is over money. Ten dollars for this or that and a few stamps really doesn’t equal out to anything worth noting.

The real issue is that Canada is becoming a Police State and whether or not this tactic is effective is irrelevant to the final outcome and that this is part of a wider campaign to slowly let Canadians be okay with pointing the finger at each other.

We are entering into a time where the laws are getting more and more firm, we are putting more people away into prisons and jails and leaving only the “PURE” civilians out there, people who work simple government jobs and file their taxes on time.

The balance is shifting to a point where we are about to have more people who are out enforcing the laws than there are regular civilians.

This is outrageous that we are willingly entering into this Big Brother world where we watch each other ever so closely looking for mistakes! It takes me back to the old days when the entire village would shun the fellow who did not attend church on Sunday and then gossip about his family all week. And that was the church’s power over us, the same power that
our governments are trying hold today.

I think that we need to watch ourselves and be our own boss and be in control of our own destinies. We don’t need Canada to become a country of RATS!

I agree that speeding, drinking and driving is a concern over the Holidaze, and I think the Police need to find their own ways of dealing with this that does not involve the public. Honestly, what are we paying them for? It would appear that they are only here to defend corporations and not the public, even though they tell us on a regular basis that they are here for us, for our defense.

I will not be participating in ANY form of help to the police in these matters. Stand strong Canada! You know what is good for you, and you know what is right and wrong.

Dr.Jay Cole
listen.to/drjaycole

Milton Bradshaw of 285 Plymouth Rd., in Sarcasty, Il, is certainly a horse of a different color, as they say. When neighbors began to report to the agricultural department that a strong odor of “Dead fish baking in a hot sun” kept wafting over to their property from Mr. Bradshaw’s, eventually investigators became suspicious enough to actually do their jobs; what they found shocked and titilated them.

Mr. Bradshaw, son of almost-famous geneticist Robert Bradshaw – who was attempting to prove human body parts could be grown like produce – has been secretly growing his pet project, the “Cunt-Tree”, in an orchard on his farm home. The bad smell, he claims, is from the over-ripened product falling off the tree and actually baking int he sun, as his neighbors suggest.

*Click image for a closer view*

Cuntree small

Milton had this to say, “My Pappy were a genius! He done unlocked the genome code whut could grow cunts like apples!”
He went on to insist that this reporter should have a bite to which I politely replied “There’s no fucking way that’s going to happen, pal”

Apparently, before his untimely death in late August of last year, Robert Bradshaw managed a partial success in his life’s work. We asked Milton if he had found any of his father’s notes or journals of his work, to which he responded solemnly, “Only one.”

Written in his solitary study, here are Dr. R.J. Bradshaw’s final notes on the culmination of his life’s work:

“Dearest Petunia,

I have not eaten or slept for days. I’m so close to achieving exactly what I set out for, I cant stop now. I haven’t been able to figure out how to grow bones, but the bone-corn plants are growing well – they simply haven’t developed the solidified calcium deposits I had hoped for. Fleshy substances like noses, tongues and eyes have all proved successful, but nothing has worked quite as well as the Vajapple tree. The vulvo-vaginas grown from these trees are moist and tender, instantly ready to be transferred to a human host. If only these damned bees would stop coming into my lab to sabotage my coffee! I’ve been watching them for weeks, and I fear that soon their dastardly plot to kill me and steal all of my honey and people-produce plans will succeed! If they do, I intend to bequeath all my research and worldly possessions to my only son, Milton. He’ll never be much of a scientist, but he sure does have a lot of heart”

Milton told us that Dr. Bradshaw always referred to his journals as Petunia, but that his reference to the bees was probably a manifestation of the mental degenerative disorder which took his life.

Hello Folks, Fans and Freaks!

Welcome everyone to a late night rant at 3:56am on a Thursday morning! I just wanted to touch down and say that i attended the Train of Thought Tour (Ghettosocks, Muneshine, Timbuktu, Jeff Spec) at the Seahorse in Halifax, NS, and well… here is my honest review.

Timbuktu killed it, he was the only cat on stage to showcase any unique talent or skill. The only dude to stand true to himself and not give in to the pressures of his hommies and what they expect of him which was evident by the way the other cats are still dressing like they are 16 years old.

Overall, the show was comprised of pretentious urban white boys rapping about their hipster lives and how they arent hipsters. When ever there were more than two on stage they all began trying to out-yell one another while weak beats/instrumentals sounded out over a shitty PA system.

i mean c’mon fellas… at least get your voices to harmonize properly.

Ghettosocks rapped his rambling raps about nonsense, Spec repeatedly fucked up his verses, stumbled over words that were too fast for being performed live and even forgot some lyrics.

Muneshine, I pretty much turned my ears off for that one. Cant say anything good or bad about it. Later while walking through Halifax with these guys and after calling these folks ‘bitches’ in the most endearing of ways, Muneshine made a point to let me know “Never call him a bitch. Ever. Again.”

I am beginning to realize that just because I make words rhyme doesnt mean i should ever have anything in common with rappers.

The highlight of the night was when we were all walking through Halifax after the show and i pissed on the trees on the front of the police station while these guys all nervously walked on, embarrased, pretending to not know me.

I will not be partaking in anymore rap shows that come through this part of town. No sir, give me some top 40 or rave dj’s anyday over this bullshit boy’s-club that i want no part of.

In the end, these are just some cats doing their thing, it just so doesnt happen to vibe with anything i’m interested in and its all a personal opinion.

Peace,
Dr.Jay Cole
http://listen.to.drjaycole
http://listen.to/thejerkoffhour
dr.jaycole@gmail.com

*******
EDIT:

Yeah, i was definitely drunk when i wrote that last night!

So this morning i gave em a second chance and i listened to the two cd’s i purchased, Muneshine and Jeff Spec, and still… not my cup of tea. It’s always a risk buying cd’s from rappers!

Good Day.
Dr.Jay Cole

Hello Folks, Fans and Freaks!

Well the studio is all setup! This isn’t simply my living room anymore, we have added a desk, and a couch… sounds like a talk show right? Well it might ‘look’ that way, but let’s see what happens because we’re adding video! The first couple episodes will not be streamed live as we are still working on upgrading the net service, and as they say, The Show Must Go On!

Coming up first on our new show will be Mr. David MacKenzie aka DjDvD, the creator of our host site wickedbad.net, DJ Extraordinaire!, Mr.Fancy Pants about Town, Loving Father and Husband and a good friend of mine.

The carpets have been freshly steam cleaned, and well… we have had our first accident so I thought it would be fitting to document the life of the studio here.

Peace,
Dr.Jay Cole

Hello Folks, Fans and Freaks!

Today’s story is a comment to a news article about Student Loans. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/raj-date/student-loans-know-before_b_1062611.html?ir=Canada
I had typed out this entire article only to find out it was 1200 words too long once I tried to submit it to the HuffPost! (They should really have a real time word counter!)

And so here is the full story from that comment. Enjoy!

I was born in 1979, that makes me 32 today! Whew! What a life it’s been so far!

I started off working for my step father in his print shop at the age of 13, sweeping floors and watching printing presses for errors. By the age of 20 I had been fully immersed in the printing world. I knew absolutely everything there was to know in all of the departments. The comfy chair of the
in-house graphic designer made its call to me and that is where I spent most of those 7 years.
When my mom and step father had a big falling out, I no longer had a job with the company.
Being only 20 years old and never having had a real job in my life, i had no idea of the rights I had to save my job and so I went off to work in many different call centers, as those were the only places hiring people my age with absolutely no work experience. (Back in the day, I would wake up around noon, go down to the basement print shop in my boxers, print some items, deliver them by 2pm and go back to bed, so my work ethics and stamina were nil.)

I had nearly 10 years of graphic design skills behind me, and yet nobody anywhere would believe that a kid so young had done the jobs I had done. My step fathers’ hate for my mother had him go out of his way to ensure I was black-listed from all the print shops in my home city. I had no chance of succeeding in the Graphic design industry.

Designers at my skill level at the time, year 2000, were making about 24$/hr when working for another establishment. (I had been making $100/hr since i was 16 years old, spoiled!)
I figured that my step fathers reach couldn’t have gone to other cities and that if I had a degree of some sort, there was no way they could turn me down!

This was around the same time that our local Community colleges were sending informational packages to EVERYONE. In big bold print on one of the title pages were the word “Graphic Design/Multimedia and Pre-Press” After reading through their literature I was convinced that this was what I needed.
Because of strange circumstances, I owned the house in which we all lived. When the business left, i could no longer afford it and i had bankrupted over $100,000 of debt. Keep in mind i was only 20 years old. I had applied for a student loan to pay for the college fees and living expenses. The first loan was turned down because of my recent bankruptcy, and tuition was paid for in kind by my grandfather.

I worked a few jobs and did my personal hustle and grind to pay the bills.
I had dipped into my tuition funds during the first year, and If i did not pay them before the starting of year 2, i would not be allowed back in to the school. I worked all summer, every day, two or three jobs, and after paying rent and bills all summer, i was not any closer to my goal.

Day 1 of year 2 was only two week away. I was desperate, my family did not know i had spent the previous years tuition and could not return. I applied for a Canada Student Loan.
I did not read any of the literature they sent, i just wanted the money!
It was mid September when the loan came through! Thank God!
However, it was starling to see how much money they had given me. It was well over 10 grand, tuition was only 1200 per year, the cost of living around the school was pretty cheap too. There was no reason for such a large amount to be given. Anyways, i took the money, and i spent it all! i paid back all monies owed to everyone! Life was good!
We all went broke before the end of the year, and were going to the local food banks to eat. We had no heat or electricity in our home because we couldn’t afford it, and we ended up bailing on our landlord for the final month of rent.
That summer, i spent every day searching for a graphic design job, there were absolutely none! These were comfy life-timer jobs that had already been filled. When i asked my professor about the troubles I was having finding a job, he informed me that the course i took was only an introduction, and that it would only get my foot in the door, to say a bindery, or a floor sweeper.
What? I wanted my designer job back! I wanted to sleep in til noon and work in my shorts! What is this crazy life all about anyways? It was at this point i realized i had been spoiled my entire life. This was shocking to me because before my step fathers business came into our lives, we lived far below the poverty level, welfare and all and so I always felt like i came from nothing and had nothing. (Yes, even though i had been making $1500/week for roughly 7 years)

When i entered the college, designers were making on average $24/hr… my schooling was for two years, so after my first year, the previous year of designers was graduating and going off into the work force, that was about 30 designers looking for jobs on the east coast.
After I graduated, that added another 30 people, this is from only one school, there were many other schools graduating 30 students at a time. The most horrifying part of all of this was that the designers were now making at most $12.00/hour. What happened to my $100/hr?

So by the time I finished my course, the market was flooded, and there were no jobs for us anymore.
Why had the government not the brains to foresee this happening? And why even if they did foresee it happening would they continue to dish out loans for these jobs that don’t exist?
I was pissed. I had no hope. And so i decided to go back to school again, only for the loan. The money came in and i bounced. I spent the funds on a new computer and some rent and began doing my own freelance graphic design.

I did not enable any of the ‘interest relief’ programs that were available to me because i did not know about them, and they have since expired. Because i have defaulted on the loan by non-payment, the government now holds all my GST and Income Tax returns and applies them to the loan, so each year that pretty much pays off the interest and i’m left with the original loan, which is currently up to over $13,000.00

Please be careful when you apply for a loan. Please read everything and know what you are getting into! This loan is now permanently on my credit report. Currently i can not rent a dvd, or an apartment, or have power or a cellphone or a telephone in my name because of this loan that plagues my credit report. At 32, i am still a starving artist who can barely make ends meet and I never have a surplus of money to be paying on loans like this. I had made bad decisions in my past and am now living meagerly with them. Had i known i would never have gone to school and maybe today I could have my own appartment insted of relying on friends to live with and share in utilities.

Jay Cole

Hello Folks, Fans and Freaks!

I wanna say a few words on the situations happening all over the world. But first I want to vent on some issues at hand. If you have strong feelings about your cause please don’t push them down my throat and please don’t get all in my face and yell internet facts at me. Please keep your science, activism, religion and your non-sense to yourself unless you can present your facts in a peaceful non-judgmental fashion. Please respect that we do not all share your beliefs, nor do we all want to be involved with every cause out there. Nor do we all have time!

That said, let’s continue with today’s topic of being distracted.

Distractedness happens everyday. For instance today I flicked on some Facebook/Google+ BEFORE eating breakfast. This pushed mealing up to about 10am thus pushing my workout to a later time, thus cancelling some of my afternoon appointments! Not good when you rely on those appointments to sustain your life! Sorry guys!

The world of distraction goes deeper than we could ever imagine.
There is a Prime Minister in Canada running around making an ass out of our Country. We have a President in the US doing the same as he partners up with his big corporation buddies. We have oil sands being exploited. We have the occupy movement happening globally. And while all of these issues are very real and in our face, they are at the same time only as real as we let them be. We give them the power by acknowledging their rule over us.

I just hope that everyone snaps out of this and realizes that its ALL a distraction to keep us hooked on this Jerry Springer style WORLD they are selling us. It’s all a distraction to keep us from going outside and LIVING OUR LIVES TO THE FULLEST!

What nobody realizes is that the governments and corps can make all the rules they want but if nobody follows them, there will never be enough police or military to enforce it on the world! It takes a special breed of human to even WANT to enter into some kind of douchebagy “I’m the boss of you” profession, and those breeds of humans are getting scarce.

I feel one day maybe the state of the earth will be that jobs will be impossible to obtain unless you work for the govt/big corps. Then we will all be piss tested and taxed beyond death (as is the case here in Canada, when you die… it aint over!) There won’t be any mom and pop corner stores anymore employing the locals. A sad state of affairs indeed. But fore now I’m going for a walk in the park with my headphones on. Maybe i’ll write a blog ;P

Peace,
Dr.Jay Cole
dr.jaycole@gmail.com
www.intuit.wickedbad.net/internet-radio

Dr.Jason Cole holds a doctorate in Metaphysics from ULC in Modesto California. Aside from this blog Dr.Jay can be heard weekly on his podcast as he discusses the state of the world with people who work in the media and in the entertainment industry.

Disclaimer: While I support the idea of having a movement without a head, i doubt these occupations will have any effect. The governments smile with each arrest made as it is their way of putting you in the system and holding you down. I will remain recordless and enjoy the benefits of a life with corporations, I happen to rather enjoy making music on my HP laptop as its hooked up to my LG Flatscreen. I also enjoy guns and killing things is not a problem for me. I like driving SUV’s and Jeeps as they guzzle all the gas down. I like muscle cars made with too much metal. I like driving four wheelers on the beach. I believe that we as humans have only scratched the surface of the environment. We are arrogantly conceited if we believe that we did all the damage. The earth is changing and moving with or without us so if today I feel like tossing my pop bottle in the black garbage bag, then i’m going to do it and not feel bad, nor should I have anyone jump down my throat for the decision that I ultimately made. Please don’t go into my garbage and take out my recyclables. Thanks.