Archive for November, 2009

The Fog!

i love the fog! this weather is amazing! for the first time in my life i can walk around with a safe feeling that the Vikings won’t find this great city of ours. The harbor is open to anyone with a boat, anyone willing to attempt an attack could easily infiltrate this city. The buildings have grown up higher than Citadel Hill, rendering its cannons useless. The navy has been dismantled and the two subs we have are no good either.
There is nothing stopping anyone from taking over, burning the villages and pillaging as they please.
We should definitely invest in a large fog machine for those bright sunny days where the landscape is illuminated, broadcasting to the whole of the Atlantic Ocean where our defenseless city rests.
I’m confident that the peace will not last. No, a Viking attack is inevitable, and when the time comes, our only hope will be the thugs and gangsters. We will turn to them for protection when our government lets us down, because lets face it, we are, the asshole of the country. The snots in Ontario can’t see past the end of their own noses, and the further westward you travel, the elitists only grow stronger. No, help will take days, perhaps even weeks before those fact cat bureaucrats in Ottawa make a move. They will have interviews and then hire a committee with a board of directors. They will hold meetings that could take weeks, secretaries and translators will need to be employed, one to organize the shit, the other to explain it to the rest of them. Oh politics, how many more people have to die before you realize that your ways are viciously outdated?
In the meantime, let’s all enjoy this wonderful protection we are receiving, free of charge, from mother nature.

Peace \ /
Dr. Jay Cole

Riding the bus takes some skill and courage. It’s not only a means of transportation, but a means of learning about the city and its people. The real people who make this city great, they make it run! While the people who drive to work are the paper-pushers, they make the rules dictating when and where the bus will stop. Never once will they set foot upon the metal beast to see if it works or not. Never once will they take public opinion into consideration.

Let’s start at the ground and work our way up. We have at first the lowest of the low, the bottom feeders and anyone else looking for a handout. i can’t help but overhear the conversation behind my head
“Yup, just go talk to billy, he’ll give you a.. “Yup, talk to bill! hes a good guy” another interupts
a third chimes in “yup, i got me a hundred dollars to buy me some books, and a fifty dollar to get me some personal things like a tooth brush and to shave with”
The third man had been in his mid thirties, still sporting the latest in street-thug-wear, knuckles tattooed and a cheezy half grown goatee beard, perhaps he had been in a gang or a crew, maybe even a rapper? Either way his past had made it so he never had to work or worry about things like where his next meal would come from. The law had obviously intervened and put a stop to his life of luxury. He now has to dumb down his speech to be able to communicate with the lowlife on this bus, enough so the people he must associate with will not try to expel him from their little clique, for if they realized he was better than them, he would get the axe.
These men were scary, they would snatch your chain to get their next fix, or to feed themselves. They might knife you. All these horrid things that go on outside of the bus. Public transport provides protection, akin to the watering hole in the jungle where the wild animals go to drink and have the respect of not attacking one another.
These fellows were at least ‘trying’ to regain something of their lives through schooling programs that will make them welders or construction workers. But make no mistake, they will attack!
Next we have the welfare people. These folks have little reason to leave the house other than to buy their children food, or cigarettes. They have to complain about everything under the sun along their way, and try to bring their neighbors down with them. They bitch about how people “ain’t right” and that they don’t follow the rules society has set out, when they themselves turn a cheek only to bend or break the rules as the occasion rises. i have nothing against welfare recipients, i myself have had to walk that path, but the kind of people it turns you into after years of receiving, is a horrible thing.
The next in line are the students; the university crowd. They wander lost in their own thoughts about class as they pass through the city with blinders on never realizing the cruel world sitting directly next to them on the same bus.
In other larger cities, academia such as teachers and professors ride the bus in an attempt to cut back on fuel emissions. But no, not in this city. For those same profs would not set foot upon a bus in this city.
Next up we have people in their mid 40’s and 50’s, the working stiffs waiting out the storm for the big retirement checks to come in from the government. They read their poetry and books recommended by Oprah all the while gazing over top with their condemning judgmental looks at everyone below them, never once asking themselves how they had made it to riding the bus. i however, love riding the bus! i don’t know what category if any i fit into, or if i’m even correct about my observations. But that’s all they are… personal observations. i realize every persons life situation is totally unique and tailored to the individual. Life is, now, however, all about the individual and it shines through this city of ipod wearing freaks as they walk dronelely down the avenue on their way to work after thanking the bus driver. It’s weird that everyone says thank you after that dreadful journey, but we are after all, somehow connected in our individuality.

Peace \ /
Dr.Jay Cole

Whats up y’all? Not much to report on for now, having a limited internet week. I’ve been typing like mad on a story, and i’ll post it on here as soon as its ready, i guess i could just make something up:

i suppose that these rat bastards will hunt me down after this and ask politely for a retraction, or perhaps have me say something along the lines of
“Dear readers, it has come to my attention that our great country is run by fucking squares. iNTUiT is a character that i play, he is an outlaw and vagrant vagabond, the worst of his kind! i am obligated to tell you that everything he has written is fiction and that you should not attempt to tempt the government or try any of iNTUiT’s screwy ideas”.
At which point i will pull out my cock and lay it out on the table, if their cock is bigger, then i will digress.

Here’s the story, PURE fiction:

Once upon a time, i was on unemployment insurance in antigonish, i had lied to the government in the first place when i called back all the employers of years passed to make a phoney complaint. i told them that they had made an error on my T4s and that i had relocated with my spouse; not quit or been fired, they were quick to remedy the T4’s and send me new ones, several different companies did this with no questions asked.
T4’s in hand, i entered the building with intent to commit some kind of fraud against our great socialist country. A month or two go by and i decided to travel to new bunswick for three weeks. During this time the Government had sent me a letter asking me to take some kind of job training course. I wasn’t around to answer the letter, or the phone calls, or the emails! So on one faithful payday i go to take out all my money from the account and: Insufficient Funds! (Why hadn’t i saved any?)
Well… those rotten bastards down at the the EI office got an earfull from me!
“Give my god damn money back! and fix this now! I have done nothing wrong!” i lied.
The woman tried similar bullying yellying tactics against me
“Were’ going to look into your bank accounts and find out if you’ve been swiping your card around new brunswick!”
“Go ahead you whorid skank!” i retorted
We gazed deeply at one an other; i with a feeling of dread and despair in my heart but fire in my eyes to match her hate!
i was reminded to the severity of the consequences should i be found guilty and then let go.
i got called back in to her office again the next day, as i slowly stepped in through the maze of cubicles, a feeling of absolute fear crept all through my body and weakened my knees thinking of the RCMP who would be waiting with their handcuffs open inside the woman’s office.
i then began to get with it, and started looking around for a quick exit, through that open window perhaps? We’re only on the second floor and it cant hurt as bad a prison.
To my relief there were not cops inside.
She began right away
“We looked through your accounts and everything seems in order, you are free to go, you’ll have your money back and all further payments”
i kissed the bitch on her cheek and waited for an apology. i never got one!
So she had lied to me, through her teeth… about having the power to look through accounts… with this realization, i thought “What other powers do this all-mighty government not have?” and so the tests began.

There, i haven’t written anything here in days so it feels good to write such a great piece of fiction all in one sitting!

Peace \ /
iNTUiT

What’s with all the fees popping up everywhere?
This time, it’s in regards to applying for gigs.
Let me just put this all in perspective for everyone:
Back in the good ol days of rock and roll, we used to ask our friends, and they would book us because we’re fucking awesome, or because we had good dope. That soon evolved through word of mouth and meeting people through other people and promoters and into a large ratty web of everyone knows everyone. So now we all have each others emails and we’re ’supposed’ to be one big happy family who scratches backs and helps each other out whenever possible. Great. It worked for a short while! Then, we decide to get professional, now we spend some cash on CD’s and press kits and mailers.
Then the internet happened! Great! We don’t have to pay for all that shit anymore, and we can spend our money on maybe making VIDEO PRESS KITS and the like. The video press kits are done, the websites are done, now all we have to do is simply email (FREE) a link (FREE) to the promoters and they get to view our site, and download our songs (FREE) and make their decision (FREE). No money involved.
But for some reason, the very next day places like Sonic bids start popping up out of the vile gutters telling us that we again need to pay! What the fuck people? Take your god damn sonic bids and shove it up your ass! We have your email addresses and your phone numbers and we know each other by name, so take our god damn links to our god damn websites and listen to our god damn music!
I refuse to pay places like sonic bids for their bullshit-trying to be a middle man- “service”
I already have a fucking website and I don’t need yours. Now piss off you god damn wankers!
Promoters, you were always mostly douchebags to begin with, back stabing swine, so I understand you’re wanting to use such a retarded service.
I hope this post reaches at least one promoter/event-controller out there in cyberworld tonight
and that they stop being like “oh, waaahhh, I dont have time to do my fucking promoter job by screening people and its about quality control”
What the fuck else do you have to do all day that you can’t read some god damn emails and visit some god damn links? or hell, open your mailbox and receive a physical cd even, because we all have hundreds of them sitting in boxes already paid for!
There are too many middle men in this industry, too many greedy little bastards with their fat grubby little hands out looking for a piece of our pie that we all worked so fucking hard to make!
It’s because of things like this that many artists are deciding to say FUCK YOU MUSIC “INDUSTRY” as much as we can by NOT helping the economy.
I for instance make my own cd’s at home, do my own designs and then I put my entire album up for FREEEE on my site.
Where is the love people? what happened to doing things because you love doing them?
I realize I wont get as many gigs, or be as famous, but you know what? Being a star is all a bunch of bullshit lies anyways.
You’ll never get to where you think you want to be at until you’re happy with yourself inside. I for one, AM happy inside.
That’s my rant for tonight folks. Enjoy.

Peace be with you.
Rev. Dr. Jason Cole
( i apologize for saying GOD DAMN so much, it was purely for effect. )

No blogging tonight folks! I’ve been workin hard at gettin this Special Features Page up, and on this special features page is a hot new jam by yours truely featuring two of Ottawa’s Finest! Lucas MacKenzie, this guys is amazing with the strings and the lovely Vanilla-V has blessed this song with her soft sirenic voice.

Check it here!
SPECIAL FEATURES!

Hey friends, feelin a little peeved tonight, fuck that, i’m downright pissed off! No, it’s not hate, i’m just angry.
Here’s why…
A few hundred years ago a bunch of douchebags decided to start a country. Those same douchebags continued to grow to be the largest country in the world. Being the biggest, they decided to pick on the smaller countries when things don’t go their way. Flash forward to recent times and we have their governments’ military CREATING diseases for warfare purposes (AS IF THERE AREN’T ENOUGH PROBLEMS ALREADY?) So the virus has leaked and now hundreds of people, innocent people, who never did anything wrong, are dying because of it. Why can’t they stick to making bombs because at least bombs don’t leak.
Not to mention the fact that the vaccine to stop the virus is also making people go retarded and in some cases killing them.
My anger, and my question for tonight comes from this:
Why, if we know who created this death causing virus, are they not being prosecuted?
The people responsible for creating this virus should be taken into the streets and shot.
I guarantee that if anyone else on earth made a virus that killed hundreds of Americans, that they would have been executed immediately.
Last week i caught a nasty chest cough, if this turns out to be swine and i die from it, or the vaccine, the entire American populace can guarantee that my afterlife will be spent haunting their asses to the point of insanity where they will all go outside and shoot themselves in their heads. Mark my words.

Peace \ /
iNTUiT

Last Will and Testament

Monday, November 16th, 2009

I, Jason C. Cole, and i, iNTUiT, am of sound mind, and herby declare this to be my last will and testament.

Upon my death, my estate, and all of my belongings are to be given to random homeless people out in the streets of Canada. I want all of my money to be withdrawn in the form of paper cash money from all of my bank account, after which it will all be burned in a fire-pit fashioned from an old washing machine. My body shall be tossed into the ocean for fish food. Should any of my massive debts be handed down to future relatives, I will return in ghost form to haunt the families of those who pass the order.

If any portion of my will shall be held illegal, invalid or otherwise inoperative, it is my intention that I will return from the afterlife to haunt the families of those who give the order.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereto set my hand and seal this 16th day of November 2009.

¡Hola! mi amigos!

So… Saturday morning i woke up with a slight tickle in my throat, and so begins the fight!
Here’s what i’m doing!

The local grocery store; co-op, sobeys, or ugh… superstore if you have to, will have everything you need!
The first and most important part of fighting a winter cold or sickness is in prevention.
I take a daily dosage of about 15 – 20 drops of Echinacea in my morning drink, tea, coffee, or just take it in a spoon because it tastes like yummy syrup. (the only problem is remembering to take it every day, absolutely every day! which i missed two days recently and here i am with a tickle on the weekend and i’m supposed to travel to halifax tommorow!)

I recommend purchasing the liquid form of echinacea, and it can be found in most pharmacies (most grocery stores have little pharmacies in them nowadays)
Ginger Root! buy a couple of these and leave then in a room temp, dry area.
Vitamin C: i prefer the tropical flavored chewables
Fresh Garlic: we’ll use this later
and lastly, some honey for flavor : )

Bring 2 cups of water to a boil.
Add about 5 grams of diced Ginger Root with the bark.
Boil for 5 minutes
Add one spoon of honey
Add three or four vitamin C’s
Add 15 drops of Echinacea
Remove from heat, strain, let stand for two minutes.

I smoke weed like a motherfucker, so since there is no way to recover from a lung sickness like this by continuing to smoke, i have opted to eat my weed for a couple days, some organic bubble hash is diced into a fine powder and added to the mixture.

PLEASE NOTE: None of these things will work for you if you are going to keep smoking. So eat your weed and smokers wear a patch for three days.

Drink the mixture, it reminds me a bit of Neocitran, but without the gross taste.

Fresh Garlic, right before bed, take two cloves and mash them and dice them, let them sit in the air for a few mins because the oxygen causes an enzyme in the garlic to appear. eat them raw, swallow with water and drink a whole glass of water afterwards. DONT CHEW THEM! or you’ll have garlic breath for weeks!

Garlic has many healthy uses, in this case, it is used as an expectorant, this will loosen the Phlegm in the chest to almost water and it will have to come out! Spit! dont Swallow! each time you swallow your phlegm, you are allowing the sickness to remain in your body for a longer time.
You WILL cough all day and it needs to come out.
At this point, taking a cough suppressant will only undo the work of the garlic.
Cough syrup will make you feel good for the day but the sickness will be long and annoying.
My method will help you get better in about two days.
I hope my ramblings can help someone someday, someplace.

Peace \ /
iNTUiT

The “Audio” page has been removed, fear not fellow fans! “The Music!” Page will now host all FREE ALBUMS, streams, an anything related to the listening aspect of music.

Peace \ /
~iNTUiT~

On the flip side!
I have opened up my mind to all sorts of sounds lately. Here is a good list of artists that will remain on my computer and in my favorites for a long time to come:

ME! (iNTUiT)
ACDC – Black Ice Album
Atmosphere – When life gives you lemons
Blind Melon
Cypress HIll
Damian Marley
De La Soul
Element Kontrol
Amos Lee
Benny Benassi
Bob Marley
Britney Spears (yuup!)
Christina Aguilera (yupp!)
Tiesto
Madonna
Pink Floyd
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Bob Marley
Gorillaz
JUNGLE: (i will only list a few of my favs)
Chase n Status
Shy FX
Dillinja
Kano
Kenny Kenn

KING SUNSHINE! (FUCK YEAH!)
K-OZ
La Mala Rodriguez
Shakira
Lemon Jelly
Lovage
Mos Def (Black on both sides)
Aria Silenced
The Chicharones
Neil Young
Nelly Furtado
The Rascalz (Cash Crop only, everything else is crap)
Rage Against the Machine
Pearl Jam
Sublime
Sweatshop Union
The Avalanches
The Ting Tings
The Sounds
Tool (lateralus)
WEEN
Xavier Rudd
Emmy Rossum
The Wordburglar
Norah Jones
The Shins
La Roux
The Kills
Calvin Harris,
Lady Gaga
Jason Mraz
David Guetta
Everlast 2009
Ladyhawke
Pink!
Mic Boyd
The Knux,
Hollerado (From Ontario!)

So as you can very well see, all is not lost! There are some amazing gems in that list. Many of these artists are also into things like: Saving the planet, herbal remedies, alternative living (off grid, off the radar) Free Man on the land: Life without Government, Self sustainability and LOVE to name but a few!

Peace  \ /
iNTUiT
PS> This second post for today counts for the one i will most likely miss tommorow!