Hello Folks, Fans and Freaks!

This is another edition of music reviews by Dr.Jay Cole! Todays review comes from an amazing band called “The Brains” who sing what I have dubbed as “Punk-rock-ska-billy”! Truly amazing musicians through and through with a stage presence to conquer any crowd they play to!

***
It was 9am on Saturday morning, February 04th, 2012. I was in my bed wearing clothes from the night before plus a plaid patterned robe, aviators, and a springtime straw fedora hat bugging out to random videos being played over the computer to the television. It happened like a gun shot to the knee. Our power went off early in the morning, and a startling silence crept throughout the entire townhouse complex like winds over the desert sands.

The sudden lack of an ‘electric buzz’ hit hard and sudden to the core of every flatmate. Startled and unnerved, Jonny leaped from his bed to see why I had grumbled into the kitchen to yell at the stove’s inadequacies for its reliance on the grid while cursing my own lack of morning tea. At least the beer was still cold. I cracked the can open, Jonny asked how my night was when he very well knew, and was the partial cause of the previous evenings shenanigans.

My emotions and thoughts of “the shit i had to do today!” quickly dissipated. A new-found calm crept over me, spreading a deep relaxation, and after a moment of enduring the nothing, the silence grew louder than any noise before it. I was reminded of quiet peaceful times in the forest; cabins and tents under the trees while the bright moonlight sheds our darkness veil. I decided to script a hand written letter.

***

It was late afternoon on Friday when I had given up with the day’s designing tasks and poured roughly four shots of Appleton Estates rum straight onto the rocks. I took a long harsh drink, paused for a moment and reflected on the week that had just gone by. I told myself it was going to be ‘one of those weekends’.
I no longer believe in time, yet have a great respect for it at the same time. This allows me to go through life never knowing when things are happening, such as the flatmaster Tracy, leaving for three days. She is the one who handles the landlord, billing issues, noise complaints, police, and dishes out the house chores; you know, the caring kind who generally keeps this place afloat. So with the “Rule-Queen” gone, the five of us had open season on this place. It was about to get maddening!

I convinced my videographer to eat some LSD, while he broke out the blunts and the MDMA. He tossed me some green to twist up, and upon first impression it looked like dirty ditch weed. Upon closer inspection through an inhalation method, i thought for a moment that we were wrong about the herbs’ quality as my mind exploded into an orgasm of colors and lights, the room swam dreamily and… I should mention that we had not eaten the acid or MDMA yet and these effects were coming from solely from the pot. It definitely was in fact ditch weed, most likely sprayed with something strange and majickal. The answer to that, we’ll never know.

We watched a few trippy movies about holy mountains, Salvador Dali and Disney coming to life, and of course weird music videos. It was nearing midnight by my guess when we finally ventured outside into the frigid -20 degrees Celsius temperatures of Canada.

I bundled up in a parka. Mark did not. I strolled comfortably the entire trek while Mark only bitched about the cold and the distance. Canada can destroy people, it’s surely a place where you need to come prepared. After a short 15 minute walk we arrived at our destination, a small pub looking shack located in a strip mall. We had nearly passed the place when I realized that maybe we should be on the lookout for a bar or something to reflect our reason for walking fifteen minutes, which was obvious we had both forgotten. I did a three sixty spin and there it was, Charlies, nestled among several other small bargain shacks all strung together in a strip mall fashion. While there’s nothing wrong with a strip mall, why include a bar? The front of their building was clearly an eyesore, with a black broken sign and matching broken windows held together with duct tape. Cigarette butts had been littered everywhere on the street with about six punk rockers hanging out in front contributing to the butt piles. I tipped my hat to them as we entered their establishment.

My friend marks vibrations were getting weird. He had been to these types of events before and knew what was to ensue, where I did not, it would be an evening of learning and experiencing new things for me. The entry room was large enough to be another bar itself and very well could be a restaurant in the day time. The large burly man towering over us would not let me pass with my friend to the bank machine while he fetched us some cash. I found it strange that I could not enter the bar. Another person came in from the cold, paid the man twelve dollars and was allowed in.
“Is that all they want? is twelve dollars? is that what’s stopping me from entering?” I said out loud to nobody. The bouncer and the man at the ticket booth looked over at me with cautious eyes, i quickly dished out the cash and the bouncer stepped aside, apologizing for his rudeness in detaining me. Two black men entered. They looked like something out of a 1990’s Los Angeles gang. “Yoe dawg” the taller one said to the bouncer, “What’s poppin up in this joint?” the shorter one asked. If i were the employer i would have this bouncer fired simply for turning away paying customers as he answered them “Uhh.. yeah… it’s uh.. its a punk show guys” while shaking his head no “Yeah you’re not gonna like it”.

Strange, i thought to myself, isn’t their job at the front to take the money and let people in instead of discouraging them from trying something new? Something that might just have been that one change of scenery to allow them to step out of theirs for a couple hours? Perhaps even going as far as to stopping them from getting into different more violent troubles later in the evening? Thankfully the two men had distracted the bouncer and his mate from figuring us out while we stood staring into space, mumbling words to the photos on the wall. Photo’s of landscapes, flowers, old barns and tree houses, framed in thick scrolly plastics with gold spray on paint for an added touch of class to this dive-bar we were about to enter.

I had to move on and stop all of this inner thought while gazing off into space, someone might catch on to us! Mark had returned and bought his way in. We journeyed through this entry way-eatery area and we stepped into the main room just moments before the headlining act was to perform. I heard a dorky science guy voice say out loud as we stood in front of them, “I can honestly say, I’ve been to every kind of show from this scene, and I’ve NEVER seen those two guys out at anything, look around, its all the same people as from…” The voices trailed away as the bartender barked an order from me. Double rum on the rocks! The barkeep with his handlebar mustache nodded a manly nod and slid my drink across the bar, connecting it perfectly in my hand without a spill. It’s the same method used in ball games, you let your hand slide back as the glass is sliding and it catches it much more smoothly and keeps the liquid calm. I took a little note of the room. The first thing that caught my attention was the contrast of clothing everywhere. You could tell the true punks, the real grime street rockers, and then different from them were these dolled up profesional ‘actors’ lets call them. I’ll explain more of that later.

Standing next to me at the bar was a fellow shorter than I am, bald all but for a small black tuft of hair, strange contacts in his eyes, black leather studded jacket. As i scrolled further down a guitar came out at me from the shadows! My first reaction of thoughts was that this could be a hipster and maybe a new ‘non cool’ hipster thing to do is carry around a guitar at a bar when you arent even playing? Because really, what artist buys their own booze? To his defense, he was buying a beautiful lady a drink, and attempting at least, horribly, and failing at delivering cheesy pickup lines about his body size and how small guys have a good power sometimes. The girl laughed, smiled and then walked away with her free drink. The strange looking guitar-man gave me an equally strange ‘nod’ of recognition as he passed by. From the hunter-esque clothes I was wearing they most likely thought me to be a writer or journalist. With that in mind, i decided to write this music review today and i took many detailed notes about the room, the venue and the acoustics, how many people the venue will hold, and the cost of drinks!

My musical experiences in Halifax had not been the greatest to date, never truely satisfied with overwhelming talent. The guitar man shuffled through the crowds cheers and applause and jumped up on stage with his drink in hand, and he was to my surprise, the lead singer of the headlining act, The Brains. The first song had not even finished, and I knew right away, that these boys had it!

The sound, punk-rock-ska-billy, and it was OFF THE HOOK!
My eyes never left the stage for the entire show other than to grab a new drink. Their songs, while not my favorite choice of genres, were so perfectly scripted that it lead me to believe this bar was too small for them.

The four band-mates knew exactly how to work the crowd up into a moshing frenzy at any time they desired, and then there was something that happened that i feel unveiled the Hollywood dazzle I was seeing and buying into, becoming a part of. It’s all an act, they are regular people who sit and plot and design and figure out these things ahead of time. This whole show was truly something scripted from a movie, rehearsed several times, from the band members on stage, to the hired dancers and dolls in the crowd. I was tipped off by a comment made from the stage, “This song is for the couples out there, all the lovely couples… i know YOU TWO are a couple…” as he pointed to a skinny lad with a big afro type cut and an equally large Afro styled beard, ginger in color, faded black t shirt, skinny jeans faded and torn and with the lady friend who was so obviously out of his league.

The music started, and these two began dances that you only see on television, no these weren’t some random couple, they were professional dancers. There other dolls throughout the room had their own ’stations’ to be at in occupying certain areas of the bar/dance-floor. They would randomly stop in to the table with the manager, and then disperse back to their original standing/dancing spots.

The manager’s table was situated in the center of the room nearby to the sound man, and un-coincidentaly the area of perfect acoustics and i believed it to be no coincidence. This suit-sporting manager man was also taking notes. I sat down at his table and introduced myself “Hello!” I said probably too loud “I’m Dr.Jay Cole! Host of the Jerk Off Hour”. Shock factor to a man who works in the shock factor business of punk is something special when it touches his heart. He dresses up these people and has them parade around as the real deal while the regulars bitch to each other in the darkened corners about how fake they all are, no this man was not ready for those words, or for the cold sweaty clammy hand that would next shake his, leaving behind a calling card on the table i quickly exited. “Dont call me, I’ll call you” i said as i disappeared back into the shadows. These people are too good for this small stage. Their sound and techniques are so
very well polished. I was happy to have paid only twelve dollars to see all of this. At this point, the lead singer mentioned they were ‘happy to be home’ after a tour of the EU. Dollar signs. Touring gives you a lot of money to work with to hire dancers and stage extras, a lot of bands are hiring people to be fans in the crowd, dressed up nice to drum up more fans and excitement throughout the show, and this appeared to be no different tonight. A cheap gimmick for such a talented band. I hope to see them again under more sober circumstances. We left the bar, and had gotten only one block away where a large parking lot pans out. It was a dark shadowy area, perfect time to break out my Charlie Sheen “Tiger Blood” flask that had been filled with rum earlier on. I remember mentioning to Mark if he would like a swig, Mark attested to not really enjoying straight liquor, and my respect for him dwindled just a little bit. With my head cocked back, my eyes watching over Marks ways of being a silly-nanny, I reached the flask up to my lips and took in a large gulp. The sound of WEEE_WOOP~ and the blue and red flashing lights nearly caused me to shit myself. There in the shadows, had been a police car, watching us, listening to our discussions and finally catching me in the act!
Busted, “We’re going to prison for sure!” i said out loud, thinking of all the other drugs I had stored away in my pockets. The cop had not gotten out from his car as he had a pile of computer laptops and donuts sprawled about, the window was rolled down and he yelled out “STOP! Get over here!” Mark and I walked shamefully over to the car window, the cop was holding a coffee cup on the window and said “Hand me the flask son” Mark, as i would like to hope, realizing the cop was strapped in by his seat-belt reached over and tipped the coffee over. It spilled all over the donuts and onto the laptop. “RUN!” Mark yelled out! and we both booked it for the shadows following the back roads and by back roads we mean back yards in the city!
We made it home. Upon entering the house, Jonny was still spinning beats and it was now about 3:30am. Our bars close at 3pm in Halifax, compared to the 2pm curfew throughout the rest of Canada! It’s truly a great city to live in. I just hope my unique winter parka doesn’t get me noticed by that same cop one day!

***

I stayed up all night in fact, watching trippy movies, and videos, long after Mark and Jonny were gone, long after Drunk Jeremy and his two friends disappeared. It was about 9am when the power went off. I thought to myself, “Self, what were you doing when the power went off?”
“Why, I was writing Sarah a msg on facebook” I replied
“So what should you do right now?” I again asked to myself
“Probably continue to write the letter, but on paper”
“Great idea sir! It will help you to practice your writing skills in a world without technology”

Once the power had returned, the hum and buzz of everything re-settled into everyone’s minds and we all got back to our regular scheduled routines. It’s fun to check out once in a while folks, but lets not have it become a common occurrence. Once every three months i’m told is an adequate amount of adventuring through the soul.

All in all, it was an excellent night of wacky maddnessness. Thanks to my friend Mark and thanks to The Brains! for the wickedbad entertainment!

Dr.Jay Cole
http://listen.to/drjaycole

This work of fiction is subject to Canadian Copyright Laws © Copyright 2012-2013 by Jason Cole

Dear Kevin Smith,

Within your infinite creativity towards methods of releasing new films, can you please find it in your heart to invent a way, you god damn fat fuck, to bring “Red State” to Canadian theatres?

Sincerely,
Dr. Jay Cole MsD.
The Jerk Off Hour

Hello Folks, Fans and Freaks!

Dr.Jay Cole here, writing to you from the sweltering heat of Ottawa Ontario. The Humidity is INSANE! and since humidity is relative, there is no way of explaining this heat with mere words, it is truly something you must experience first hand to understand.

As a valid member of the East Coast, I have never experienced anything like this before coming to Ontario. We are basically trapped in a valley of heat. Thankfully, we have a few weeks of Music Festival to attend, drink beer, and keep cool. Yes, I am speaking of the stage toppling Bluesfest, (where only 1% of the artists are actually playin ‘the blues’)

And so, two Saturdays past, myself with DJ Sir K, attended the festivities. As you all know, Dr.Jay is a champion of ‘The Truth’ and sometimes kids, when you attend a music festival you tend to get “fucked up”. And yes, we got royally “Fucked Up” that evening.

After rolling around through the party grounds, waiting 1/2hr for Erika Badu to join the stage, listening to the weird sounds and visuals of Sphongle’s psychedelic experience, and rocking out to The Tragically Hip for the first time, we rolled our asses back home.

At this point, I thought it would be great to setup all the equipment and gear for The Jerk Off Hour ahead of time, so that I could sleep in the next day before my guest was to arrive at the regularly scheduled time of 3pm. Little did I know, I had re-scheduled the show for an earlier airtime of 12 noon! And yes, at 12 noon my guest, and hopefully still good friend Troy Neilson, was banging on my door and txting me whilst i slumbered peacefully inside, oblivious to anything from the outside world.

I woke up at 2pm that day, i had breakfast and prepared my notes for the show. 3pm came, Troy is a very punctual person and so when it was 3:15 i began to worry, i grabed my cell phone to check if Troy had msg’d me and yes, there were two msg’s from him! the first said “I’m ten minutes away!” and the second said “I’m knocking on your front door!”
I immediatly ran to the front door, swung that shit wide open, and nothing. I glanced back at the txt msg to see that it had been sent at 12 noon whilst i slumbered. Sad face.

The following Saturday… Again, with Sir K and also with Joe MacEachern, we attended more Bluesfest! This night was simple, one show, Janes Addiction. But could we stop from getting royally fucked up? Oh Hells No! Not only did we get royally blitzed at Bluesfest, but afterwards, we went to another night club in town (Because bluesfest is over at 11pm when the City’s noise curfew comes into effect)

A lady friend of Sir-K’s had invited him to this venue. We arrived at Babylon on Bank Street, one of the best bars in town if you ask me, and we went inside. At this point, I ran into an old friend of mine from last summer, Britain, and bought the lovely lady a drink, or two, i cant remember… She asked if i was here for the show, and I had no idea what show or what was happening at this place, and she explained that it was a Burlesque show with Dj’s spinning in the background. To top it all off, it was also a “No Pants Party” and so everyone was in either shorts, boxers, underwear (yes, tighty whities) and the ladies were in panties/bra’s, short shorts, short skirts etc… It was hard to tell who was a burlesque dancer on stage, and who was a regular event attendee. Needless to say… it was WICKEDBAD!

The next day we found ourselves still awake, with a sleep talking friend passed out on the couch. And so, again as 3pm rolled around, we were in absolutely NO position to be talking to anyone out there in the public realm. And trust me, the entire episode would have been all “uhhh…” and “uuummmm….” and quite frankly, we don’t want to sound like retards on the radio.

So kids, if you are going to get royally blitzed in any way shape or form the night before you have an important radio show to attend, please think twice before you lose your guests trust, and the following of your fans!

I am currently dog sitting one my favorite dogs, Indica! And so I will be kept in line and forced to live a normal, scheduled, routined life for a few days, and hopefully Indy will keep me in line! Nothing like a 200lb Rotty to do that!

This week, on Sunday at 3pm, we have Mat Archer aka BassMonk dropping in to leave us with a taste of what Ottawa has deliver on the Trance/hiphop front lines.

Also, as an important update, we will be including a “Links” section to the site, so that listeners can click on the news links and read them with us as the show happens, or, if you are a lazy asshole like myself who doesnt want to search for shit while listening to a podcast, then… great! Buy your Membership card by clicking on the banner!
intuit.wickedbad.net/internet-radio

Peace, love, and happyness-ness.
Dr.Jay Cole

Hello folks fans and freaks!

My job in the big city of Ottawa has ended and it’s now time for another adventure! Where this world will take me I have no idea! I have my passport in hand and a whole slew of credentials backing me up! However, don’t forget that I am always available as a freelance writer for hire! I can do my own photography and graphic design as well. If interested send emails to dr.jaycole@gmail.com

This weeks story involves a passage through time. We in Canada have no history in comparison with the other side of the world with all their green pastures and whatnot. We have modern wooden and plastic homes that are built to fail us. We have no ruins, no ancient architecture and no structural artifacts have been discovered buried under sands. This leads me to my question, while Rome was being built, what were the people here doing? How come the tribes didnt build pyramids like in Mexico? Why were no roads made? Was life all about living WITH the earth as opposed to living ON the earth? I think yes. It seems our societies these days just don’t care about the ol earth anymore. We cut down trees, plant new trees, cut them down again, pinching, pulling, and pissing all over her. It’s no great wonder that we are plagued with monsoons, tsunamis’s, tidal waves, flooding, pestilence and disease. If Karma is real, and I faithfully believe her to be a real mean ol bitch of a thing, then we totally deserve everything we get thrown at us. From oil spills in the ocean to moving mountains and diverting natural waterways, we have been poking and prodding at our great mother for far too long, and soon my friends it is bound to happen that she twitches at the pinches and wipes us clear. I’m not gonna mention 2012, woops, I just did!
All in all,there have been hundreds of these “End of the world” scenarios played out over our time, and also through our parents times and none have yet to come true. This “big one” however, is so huge that it has to make you think for a moment, “Could it be real?”
Could the end of the world as predicted by the Mayans be more hooplah, or could it be true, even metaphorically? Perhaps the world doesn’t end in the sense that all life is obliverated, but maybe something else will happen that will hinder our current earthly views on “the way it is supposed to be”.

I’m not into spurting lame facts and timelines at you, so you can do your own research and we shall leave todays’ rant on that down-note.

Peace,
Dr. Jay Cole

Walkers:

i am a fast walker. i live in Canada and it’s fucking cold outside for 6 months of the year. Canada is commonplace to find people jetting around like crayzed lunaticks as we run for the bus; run for the cab; run the for walk signal; run for whatever appointment we’re almost late for because we left late due to the damn frigid temperatures! i also have long legs.
Today i decided to bundle up for the weather and since i had no time frame of where i had to be i sent a message to my legs via the brain; “Slow the fuck down!”
Here are things i noticed whilst walking slowly from the hospital to HMV on Spring Garden road.

1. People are not dressed for the weather. It’s freakin cold out so why do i see people in cardigans shuffling along ever so rudely as they push others aside with a “Get ouf of my way! its fucking cold out!” attitude as if they had no control over their body temperature today. Cover up! Problem solved, now you don’t need to be a douchebag and push the old people out of the way, old people who have learned from their mistakes and are now properly covered up for the time of year we are in.

2. The world went and got itself in a big damn hurry. Cold weather is not always a factor in the rush, for these same folks trudge around in their blurry tunnel visioned rat race during the warmer days as well, only there are more of them out on the street in the summer therefore slowing the crowd.
Everyday we invent things to make our lives more simple. Now i don’t have to do ‘that’ anymore, therefore i have ‘this’ much more time left for myself at the end of the day. Not true. No matter what form of time saving devices we come up with, there is still not any more time left at the end of the day. If i were to purchase a time-saving device, and show my schedule at the end of the day and how it has not improved, could i return the machine for a full refund? Return my computer or software packages? what if you returned your vehicle? i do believe there is a matter of false advertising at hand here. Enough false pretenses! Tell the truth damnit!

3. Don’t feed the Ostriches, they bite! i learned the hard way, but if you can make off with one of their eggs, it will feed your family for a month.

4. Women pushing baby strollers that take up the entire sidewalk will strut down the lane taking their sweet ass time, blocking everyone, holding up the flow. i suppose they feel some societal debt is owed them after poping out a few offspring. Maybe they are right? this leads into number five, which i was a part of myself.

5. Nobody likes a slow-walker. I was pushed, nudged, commented to, stared at, gigled at and made a complete fool of myself doing my research for this report. When i walk slow, i sort of glide along in a smooth flowing motion; unlike the drones pushing ever forward to the piece of cheese awaiting them at the end of the maze, never knowing, that it will only be ‘process’ cheese.
“Move it!”, “Hurmph!”, “Sigh!” and “Ugh!” are some of what i remember hearing after that horrible walk today. These people are zigzagging across the sidewalks like the ball in a pong game; chickens with their heads cut off; nobody has any form of order when they walk, they are like complete retards, they have one single destination in mind and everything and everyone else in between them seem to be made up of some form of obscure obseleteness. It must be like moving through a crowd of ghosts when you’re the only one alive in Hell, never worrying about any of them as actual humans, never caring if they are in your face, and then it happened, i learned why this is true.

“Hey buddy can i have some chan…” and there it was. A walk-by-begging. Again almost immediately “Hey you got a smok…” another says as he passes by in a big rush not even stopping to hear my answer. I shake my fist and turn my head away towards the street in the rudest manner possible.”No!” i blurted out,
“i don’t smoke tobacco! it gives you wrinkles!” but he was already out of range. A couple of the dark colored pea coat blurs flying past stopped for a split second, long enough for me to see their expressions of disgust that i had given out personal commentary on a public street. Who was i to enact my freedome of speech in this city, and who was i to be walking so god damn slowly? Could it be that these walk-by-beggars are the reason everyone is in their own personal ipoded ‘zone’. Do they not want to deal with the harsh reality that walks past them in their own city? When i finally made it to HMV, i spent a good half hour scouring their cheap, foreign and underground indie films, during which the entire time a girl came over and pretended to ’sort’ movies from behind me on the next shelf, each time i would move to the left, she would nervously follow me.
i had noticed upon entry that there was no longer a macho superman body builder posing as a security guard this holiday season, perhaps they passed the buck down onto their lowly employees to save the buck that was previously spent on saving bucks via protection officers. Lowly employees don’t give a fuck about theft because that’s a job for security, and they start to question the sanity of their overseers.
A sales associate made eye contact with me on my way to the checkout, i was in line for only a few seconds before the same employee came rushing back for my sale. “That’s right you skinny little punk, run for my dollar!” i yelled.
“Excuse me?” he questioned
“You heard you me, you were in a rush to go that way a few seconds ago” i pointed to the back of the store
“And now you’re in a rush to get over here… make up your god damn mind”
The clerk looked at me with a wry smile and said “This movie looks good, i’ve heard great things about it”
“Sure you have!” i snapped sarcastically at the poor young lad “You people say the same thing each time i come in here!” i grabbed the case from his hand and i asked him “What’s it about?”
Panic flowed across his face like a frantic river during the spring melt.
“What?” he stuttered to save time before i made a complete fool of him.
“What, Is, The, Story… About?” i retorted.
“It’s uhmm…”
“People explode!” i yelled! “Jesus, lets get outta here Jay.”
The clerk, not understanding my schizo ways continued on his regular pace of existing.
Now at the front doors, i pause for a second to put on my gloves. i had carried my laptop case causing the knuckles to redden on my trek over here. During that brief moment, a beautiful young five foot tall blond girl flies out, nudges me aside letting out the last *Sigh* that i would hear for the day’s adventure. This entry room we were in was big enough for fat people to pass by without any disturbance. It was at this point, that i realized maybe people were only reaching out to one another for some form of sympathy or concern. Perhaps they were looking for some form of reaction from me or they sensed my inner freedome and wanted to try and shake me down to their level? More hopefully, they wanted to climb the tree i was in, and maybe live in my tree house? We shall never know the answer until i start asking some hard questions. Questions out on the street. But who, in their speedy little minds, will stop to talk to me? Not the ones i want answers from, that much is for sure.
And so tomorrow, when i attempt to get someplace in this god forsaken land of ice and snow, i will be among the groups of flyers, zoomers, jumpers and freezers as they zing along ever bitterly, and ever so heat seekingly through the maze of icey streets we call Halifax.

Peace \ /
Dr. Jay Cole

The Fog!

i love the fog! this weather is amazing! for the first time in my life i can walk around with a safe feeling that the Vikings won’t find this great city of ours. The harbor is open to anyone with a boat, anyone willing to attempt an attack could easily infiltrate this city. The buildings have grown up higher than Citadel Hill, rendering its cannons useless. The navy has been dismantled and the two subs we have are no good either.
There is nothing stopping anyone from taking over, burning the villages and pillaging as they please.
We should definitely invest in a large fog machine for those bright sunny days where the landscape is illuminated, broadcasting to the whole of the Atlantic Ocean where our defenseless city rests.
I’m confident that the peace will not last. No, a Viking attack is inevitable, and when the time comes, our only hope will be the thugs and gangsters. We will turn to them for protection when our government lets us down, because lets face it, we are, the asshole of the country. The snots in Ontario can’t see past the end of their own noses, and the further westward you travel, the elitists only grow stronger. No, help will take days, perhaps even weeks before those fact cat bureaucrats in Ottawa make a move. They will have interviews and then hire a committee with a board of directors. They will hold meetings that could take weeks, secretaries and translators will need to be employed, one to organize the shit, the other to explain it to the rest of them. Oh politics, how many more people have to die before you realize that your ways are viciously outdated?
In the meantime, let’s all enjoy this wonderful protection we are receiving, free of charge, from mother nature.

Peace \ /
Dr. Jay Cole