Dear Kevin Smith,

Within your infinite creativity towards methods of releasing new films, can you please find it in your heart to invent a way, you god damn fat fuck, to bring “Red State” to Canadian theatres?

Sincerely,
Dr. Jay Cole MsD.
The Jerk Off Hour

Hello Folks, Fans and Freaks!

Dr.Jay Cole here, writing to you from the sweltering heat of Ottawa Ontario. The Humidity is INSANE! and since humidity is relative, there is no way of explaining this heat with mere words, it is truly something you must experience first hand to understand.

As a valid member of the East Coast, I have never experienced anything like this before coming to Ontario. We are basically trapped in a valley of heat. Thankfully, we have a few weeks of Music Festival to attend, drink beer, and keep cool. Yes, I am speaking of the stage toppling Bluesfest, (where only 1% of the artists are actually playin ‘the blues’)

And so, two Saturdays past, myself with DJ Sir K, attended the festivities. As you all know, Dr.Jay is a champion of ‘The Truth’ and sometimes kids, when you attend a music festival you tend to get “fucked up”. And yes, we got royally “Fucked Up” that evening.

After rolling around through the party grounds, waiting 1/2hr for Erika Badu to join the stage, listening to the weird sounds and visuals of Sphongle’s psychedelic experience, and rocking out to The Tragically Hip for the first time, we rolled our asses back home.

At this point, I thought it would be great to setup all the equipment and gear for The Jerk Off Hour ahead of time, so that I could sleep in the next day before my guest was to arrive at the regularly scheduled time of 3pm. Little did I know, I had re-scheduled the show for an earlier airtime of 12 noon! And yes, at 12 noon my guest, and hopefully still good friend Troy Neilson, was banging on my door and txting me whilst i slumbered peacefully inside, oblivious to anything from the outside world.

I woke up at 2pm that day, i had breakfast and prepared my notes for the show. 3pm came, Troy is a very punctual person and so when it was 3:15 i began to worry, i grabed my cell phone to check if Troy had msg’d me and yes, there were two msg’s from him! the first said “I’m ten minutes away!” and the second said “I’m knocking on your front door!”
I immediatly ran to the front door, swung that shit wide open, and nothing. I glanced back at the txt msg to see that it had been sent at 12 noon whilst i slumbered. Sad face.

The following Saturday… Again, with Sir K and also with Joe MacEachern, we attended more Bluesfest! This night was simple, one show, Janes Addiction. But could we stop from getting royally fucked up? Oh Hells No! Not only did we get royally blitzed at Bluesfest, but afterwards, we went to another night club in town (Because bluesfest is over at 11pm when the City’s noise curfew comes into effect)

A lady friend of Sir-K’s had invited him to this venue. We arrived at Babylon on Bank Street, one of the best bars in town if you ask me, and we went inside. At this point, I ran into an old friend of mine from last summer, Britain, and bought the lovely lady a drink, or two, i cant remember… She asked if i was here for the show, and I had no idea what show or what was happening at this place, and she explained that it was a Burlesque show with Dj’s spinning in the background. To top it all off, it was also a “No Pants Party” and so everyone was in either shorts, boxers, underwear (yes, tighty whities) and the ladies were in panties/bra’s, short shorts, short skirts etc… It was hard to tell who was a burlesque dancer on stage, and who was a regular event attendee. Needless to say… it was WICKEDBAD!

The next day we found ourselves still awake, with a sleep talking friend passed out on the couch. And so, again as 3pm rolled around, we were in absolutely NO position to be talking to anyone out there in the public realm. And trust me, the entire episode would have been all “uhhh…” and “uuummmm….” and quite frankly, we don’t want to sound like retards on the radio.

So kids, if you are going to get royally blitzed in any way shape or form the night before you have an important radio show to attend, please think twice before you lose your guests trust, and the following of your fans!

I am currently dog sitting one my favorite dogs, Indica! And so I will be kept in line and forced to live a normal, scheduled, routined life for a few days, and hopefully Indy will keep me in line! Nothing like a 200lb Rotty to do that!

This week, on Sunday at 3pm, we have Mat Archer aka BassMonk dropping in to leave us with a taste of what Ottawa has deliver on the Trance/hiphop front lines.

Also, as an important update, we will be including a “Links” section to the site, so that listeners can click on the news links and read them with us as the show happens, or, if you are a lazy asshole like myself who doesnt want to search for shit while listening to a podcast, then… great! Buy your Membership card by clicking on the banner!
intuit.wickedbad.net/internet-radio

Peace, love, and happyness-ness.
Dr.Jay Cole

Hello folks, fans and freaks! (and parents too!)

Everything is made up of strategies these days. For example: M’Lady and I took her little four year old brother to his third class of Soccer. The building is an old school converted into a community recreational centre. There aren’t a great deal of kids in his class, and he is doing rather well for being a little guy. The amount of kids however in the entire building, is enough that they put vending machines in the front lobby. You need to pass by these machines, with little kids who always want stuff, to get to the gym rooms. So after much persuading (tugging, pulling, feet stomping, sad face, tears, you know… general tantrum throwing) we take a look inside the machine to see what great things he can have. We could not find one item in either machine that would benefit young children who are hard at play. The first way our stupid minds work is to try and get around the issue, “Maybe on the way out”.
What kind of sick world do we live in where we allow these companies in to try and feed our developing children chocolate bars and candy? On the way out of the gym room after class, there is another little meltdown due to these machines. These people are counting on kids to make their money, counting on kids to freak out, and for parents to be weak and give in. The candy and chocolate companies build yet more repoir with the child where they learn that freakouts will get them, perhaps more candy from the same companies later on in life, at say the supermarket, the corner store or even at school. We need to end this shit once and for all! I say we get some rocks and throw them through the windows of these machines and take all the crap out and replace it with healthy foods. Do you think they will get the message and change anything? Or do you think we’ll get in shit over it and have to replace the windows in the machines? Terrible how we let machines in to our lives to ruin them. Take the computer for example… How many of you WASTED time on that piece of shit today? Me? i’m writing something productive, (the rest of the day was wasted on here tho!)
There is a great website I must promote, it is called “STUMBLEUPON”.
Stumble lets you setup a quick user profile where the user is allowed to select a variety of topics that this website will bounce around through. Have you ever been bored and wanted to waste some time online, and you sit down at the computer and there it is… or there it is ‘isn’t’ i should say. Your mind is gone. Drawn a blank. What was I going to search for? There had been hundreds of questions you had been having all day but where are they now? Stumble will fill that void for you and assist you to live, love and laugh through your interests without you having to remember what you are interested in. Short term memory problems in people let them lead an interesting life because they never know what just happened and so things are new quite oftenly. Then they make up words.

Peace \ /
Dr. Jay Cole

What’s with all the fees popping up everywhere?
This time, it’s in regards to applying for gigs.
Let me just put this all in perspective for everyone:
Back in the good ol days of rock and roll, we used to ask our friends, and they would book us because we’re fucking awesome, or because we had good dope. That soon evolved through word of mouth and meeting people through other people and promoters and into a large ratty web of everyone knows everyone. So now we all have each others emails and we’re ’supposed’ to be one big happy family who scratches backs and helps each other out whenever possible. Great. It worked for a short while! Then, we decide to get professional, now we spend some cash on CD’s and press kits and mailers.
Then the internet happened! Great! We don’t have to pay for all that shit anymore, and we can spend our money on maybe making VIDEO PRESS KITS and the like. The video press kits are done, the websites are done, now all we have to do is simply email (FREE) a link (FREE) to the promoters and they get to view our site, and download our songs (FREE) and make their decision (FREE). No money involved.
But for some reason, the very next day places like Sonic bids start popping up out of the vile gutters telling us that we again need to pay! What the fuck people? Take your god damn sonic bids and shove it up your ass! We have your email addresses and your phone numbers and we know each other by name, so take our god damn links to our god damn websites and listen to our god damn music!
I refuse to pay places like sonic bids for their bullshit-trying to be a middle man- “service”
I already have a fucking website and I don’t need yours. Now piss off you god damn wankers!
Promoters, you were always mostly douchebags to begin with, back stabing swine, so I understand you’re wanting to use such a retarded service.
I hope this post reaches at least one promoter/event-controller out there in cyberworld tonight
and that they stop being like “oh, waaahhh, I dont have time to do my fucking promoter job by screening people and its about quality control”
What the fuck else do you have to do all day that you can’t read some god damn emails and visit some god damn links? or hell, open your mailbox and receive a physical cd even, because we all have hundreds of them sitting in boxes already paid for!
There are too many middle men in this industry, too many greedy little bastards with their fat grubby little hands out looking for a piece of our pie that we all worked so fucking hard to make!
It’s because of things like this that many artists are deciding to say FUCK YOU MUSIC “INDUSTRY” as much as we can by NOT helping the economy.
I for instance make my own cd’s at home, do my own designs and then I put my entire album up for FREEEE on my site.
Where is the love people? what happened to doing things because you love doing them?
I realize I wont get as many gigs, or be as famous, but you know what? Being a star is all a bunch of bullshit lies anyways.
You’ll never get to where you think you want to be at until you’re happy with yourself inside. I for one, AM happy inside.
That’s my rant for tonight folks. Enjoy.

Peace be with you.
Rev. Dr. Jason Cole
( i apologize for saying GOD DAMN so much, it was purely for effect. )